A Full Recovery is at Hand

A Full Recovery is at Hand

That's right, late last week the tide turned and I immediately noticed the difference. While sitting in class at 11:30 AM the Hoover Dam of snot broke free and really started flowing. The 5 kleenexes I had taken to class were pushed beyond capacity as I was forced to blow a kleenex full every two minutes for the remaining twenty minutes of class. Yes, Ewww is right. Cautious not to blazon my return to good health I held off on posting this until now. Since Thursday my cough has gone from a deep, room clearing rumble to virtually non-existent. My ears have since stopped popping so I can hear again, and despite murdering a couple boxes of kleenex, my sinuses remain relatively clear. Two weeks of that was more than…
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Notes From A Dentist Visit

Notes From A Dentist Visit

1. Two years and eleven months may be too long in between visits. 2. When your dental hygienist tells you where it's going to hurt and recommends ibuprofen, it's bad. 3. When a cleaning takes an hour and it is more of an archeological dig to find your teeth, it's bad. 4. If your blood covers so much of the bib on your chest that you're not sure what it's original color was, that's bad. 5. At the conclusion of your visit and your dental hygienist is rehashing how bad it was, things like "some of the tarter was black, so it's been in there for a long time," aren't good news. 6. When your Canadian girlfriend who likes to go to the dentist on a monthly basis reads this,…
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So it’s not like in cartoons…

So it’s not like in cartoons…

How many times have you seen someone smacked in the head with a frying pan in cartoons, TV, and movies? Lots, right? I know I have. Whether comedic or defensive or aggressive, it works, right? When preparing for the long drive through Iowa I purchased some snacks and some drinks to make the ride more comfortable. Not those kind of drinks, Melissa - I don't need citations for open container or worse. I'm sure you all agree that cold beverages are better than warm beverages. With this in mind I went to buy some ice for the cooler. I was pleased to find ice on sale and I got a good deal on a twenty pound bag. When I got home I noticed that it was a bit frozen together…
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A Letter From A Pedestrian

A Letter From A Pedestrian

Dear Drivers (generally), Hi. I am a pedestrian, you know, that guy you see standing on the side of the road or in the middle of the street as you speed by at thirty-five miles-per-hour. I would like to introduce you to something called a crosswalk. No, don't interrupt. Let me finish. I know you think that you know what a crosswalk is but I know better. If you did, you wouldn't come within inches of running me over everyday. A crosswalk is a place in the road where pedestrians, like me, cross the street. It is designated by bold white lines and pay close attention now because this is the part you obviously do not understand: You, Driver, are to yield to Me, pedestrian, in the crosswalk. It is…
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Grow a Goddamn Backbone

Grow a Goddamn Backbone

Every morning I ride the bus to work. Every morning I walk from the bus to the post office and from the post office to the office that I intern in. As an intern, I do not have keys to the office - I don't need them, nor do I want them. The office I work in is located in a historic building with retail space on the first floor, office space on the second and third floors, and all of the remaining upper floors are lofts. Expensive lofts. I typically reach the office at about ten minutes before 8 and the doors to the building are locked. Patiently I wait outside until the doors unlock at five minutes to 8 or somebody will let me in. Please take note…
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Hygiene

Hygiene

I got on the bus and showed the driver my hot pink monthly passport. There were five people already on the bus. A few steps later I sat down on one of the hard plastic seats that is covered in a commercial grade fabric and a few millimeters of foam padding for comfort. My briefcase sat beside me and we drove about six blocks and picked up another passenger and continued on. Midway between the next two stops the bus driver pulled the bus over and stood up. He turned to those of us riding the bus and said: "It's important to take regular showers and baths. Somebody on the bus doesn't smell very good. This isn't the first time. So take regular showers and baths or if it continues,…
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Did You Know I Live on a Farm?

Did You Know I Live on a Farm?

Hey Eric, Remember when I said that all the cords in my apartment looked like snakes to me and you said that after you had ants, every coffee ground looked like an ant? Look at this coffee ground. I haven't seen a snake in 2 weeks, but late last week I discovered I had a few hundred extra roommates and when they started trying to crawl into bed with me I drew the line. I went out and bought them some of these fancy ant discos and put them around. I'm not really sure how these things work because I object to reading directions, let alone following them. What I would like to believe is that the ant discos are filled with deadly ant STDs and the ants go out…
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Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy…

Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy…

...But It's Necessary. - Ice Cube, Down for Whatever A few weeks ago I told you that I landed the unpaid summer internship I was hoping for. Unpaid. There is no price I can put on the incredible experience I will gain over this summer. Pamela asked me in the comments if I was going to start pimping my blog to pay the bills. I didn't get into blogging to make money. For quite a while I scoffed at the blogs that had advertising while quietly admiring those who are so successful with advertising on their blogging that they blog for a living. Experience doesn't pay the bills, and things such as professionalism and confidentiality foreclose blogging about any of that experience. I've added advertising tonight. My hope isn't to…
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Going Postal?

Going Postal?

The air was cold and there was a thin fresh layer of snow on the ground on a cloudy afternoon in late January. My neighbor who looks after a few children, as well as her own, during the day had just put all of the little people down for their naps when someone started pounding on her door and ringing her doorbell over and over. My home in Sioux Falls sets above street level by approximately three to three and a half feet. This means that the portion of the driveway from the sidewalk (at street level) to the main driveway (by the house) is about a 20º to 25º incline. It's not so steep that I cannot drive up and down it in the winter, but it's steep enough…
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In Speed Dating, take the First Off-Ramp

In Speed Dating, take the First Off-Ramp

The following is based on actual events, but they've been spiced up a bit, perhaps This week a friend of mine went speed dating. No, "my friend" isn't me - believe me, if I ever go speed dating, I'll be back with stories to tell, uncensored and unabashedly. Waiting for that night to come was like plucking eyebrows - painful and tedious. What to wear? What to say? Where to look? With no talent among his co-workers and colleagues, he was ready to meet some fine looking, speed dating ladies. As noted in the 40 Year old Virgin, this was a chance to cram years of pimpage into one evening. What a grand opporunity. The night finally arrived and he musked up and turned the charm up to maximum. As he arrived at…
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