Driving day

Sometimes advertising is way too effective and when I heard an add for a certain Mexican Grill that does outstanding burritos last Friday, I had to have one. It didn’t matter that I was out of gas and all the way across town – I stopped and filled up my tank and headed for the freeway.

I merged onto the 4 lanes of traffic (yes, we actually have roads that big here) and worked my way over to the left. With one lane remaining to my left and two to my right I noticed a white Honda with drug-dealer-black tinted windows come up on my left and begin to pass me. Then he slowed down. Then he sped up, and back down again. You get the idea – annoying.

The semi in front of me was going slower than I so I had to get behind the Honda of varying speed. With out too much more incident, I got over once I’d passed the semi and the white Honda, unsurprisingly, stayed in the left lane. A half mile down the road he finally moved over because he was taking the exit I was headed for also.

The aforementioned exit is not to a street but off of one freeway and onto another and while the initial curve is reasonably sharp the remainder of it is of a quality that allows for regular freeway driving. The white Honda and the car ahead of him didn’t get that memo as they were going all of 10 mph under the speed limit. That’s just wasting my time driving that slow.

When the curve ends, it merges into the left lane of two lanes of traffic and when I merged, there was nobody in the right lane so I moved over and sped up to a more reasonable speed. The white Honda at this point could have sped up to get in front of the car ahead of me, stay in the same lane, or slow down and get behind me. He slowed down and pulled in behind me on my bumper and turned on his high beams like the true jackass he was and followed me down the first exit.

Now I’d like to point out that I didn’t do anything wrong and I didn’t do anything illegal. At every lane change I indicated with signals, and I wasn’t even speeding. In the past 3 years I’ve gone from being anywhere from frustrated to angry with people who like to drive in the left lane at painfully slow speeds while leaving the right lane open to just passing them on the right. Admittedly, passing on the right is not preferred, but there are just too many idiots on the road for me to follow a slow driver in the left lane while the right lane sits empty.

Imagine my surprise when this same white Honda with drug-dealer-black tinted windows is following me down the exit with his high beams on to try and make a point. I don’t think the driver of that Honda could even see any obscene hand gestures with his high beams on and his front bumper on my trailer hitch. Yeah, that’s right, I rock the trailer hitch on my car – I’m that cool.

So Mr. White Honda, at most, could have perceived my driving as being rude, but come on, has anyone else ever driven in a city of at least one million people? By those standards, I should have turned my high beams on when I was behind him, honked my horn, sworn at him, and flipped him off as I passed him on the right.

At this point I’m wondering if he’s following me or we’re fortuitously going in the same direction. He follows me through the first light, and then two more. Then he follows me into the turn lane at the next stoplight and low-and-behold he follows me right into the parking lot of the Mexican Grill I was going to.

Suffering from a bruised ego, perhaps, Mr. White Honda guns it so he can race around the building on one side and park while I took a different path to park in front of the building. With adrenaline at the ready, and lining up the words I’d use if he decided to say something I went inside and ended up right behind him in line.

Now here’s the point in time where he could say something and do something about whatever it was that moved him to turn on his high beams while tailgating me down the off ramp. Any guy with balls larger than cranberries would take this opportunity to give me a piece of his mind. Of course, that would be if there was something to be pissed off about – which there wasn’t. Nope, this “Environmentalist”* fooled around with his phone, ordered something off the “Environmentalist”* menu and was still trying to figure out how to run the fountain drink machine as I was getting in my car to drive home and enjoy my Chicken Queso Burrito.

The title of this post is a direct quote by another blogger after I retold this story shortly after it happened. I’m not going to jump on the jumbo jet of prize giveaways that have been everywhere lately, so if you can guess who said this line, you can have the satisfaction of being the best blogger quote guesser of the day, or the hour depending on the number of correct guesses. I will tell you now, to thwart numerous incorrect guesses, that it wasn’t Marnie.

* See the film Thank You For Smoking for the meaning in this context.