Grow a Goddamn Backbone

Grow a Goddamn Backbone

Every morning I ride the bus to work. Every morning I walk from the bus to the post office and from the post office to the office that I intern in. As an intern, I do not have keys to the office - I don't need them, nor do I want them. The office I work in is located in a historic building with retail space on the first floor, office space on the second and third floors, and all of the remaining upper floors are lofts. Expensive lofts. I typically reach the office at about ten minutes before 8 and the doors to the building are locked. Patiently I wait outside until the doors unlock at five minutes to 8 or somebody will let me in. Please take note…
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Hygiene

Hygiene

I got on the bus and showed the driver my hot pink monthly passport. There were five people already on the bus. A few steps later I sat down on one of the hard plastic seats that is covered in a commercial grade fabric and a few millimeters of foam padding for comfort. My briefcase sat beside me and we drove about six blocks and picked up another passenger and continued on. Midway between the next two stops the bus driver pulled the bus over and stood up. He turned to those of us riding the bus and said: "It's important to take regular showers and baths. Somebody on the bus doesn't smell very good. This isn't the first time. So take regular showers and baths or if it continues,…
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Did You Know I Live on a Farm?

Did You Know I Live on a Farm?

Hey Eric, Remember when I said that all the cords in my apartment looked like snakes to me and you said that after you had ants, every coffee ground looked like an ant? Look at this coffee ground. I haven't seen a snake in 2 weeks, but late last week I discovered I had a few hundred extra roommates and when they started trying to crawl into bed with me I drew the line. I went out and bought them some of these fancy ant discos and put them around. I'm not really sure how these things work because I object to reading directions, let alone following them. What I would like to believe is that the ant discos are filled with deadly ant STDs and the ants go out…
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