Dirty Uncle Mark

Dirty Uncle Mark tag:www.dirtyunclemark.com,2007-12-13://1 2008-08-19T18:17:50Z Movable Type Publishing Platform 4.01 Time to Leave the Country tag:www.dirtyunclemark.com,2008://1.567 2008-08-19T18:17:00Z 2008-08-19T18:17:50Z

Ah, with the bar exam done and some other things finished or well in hand, it was time to climb aboard a jet-plane and head north of the border again. Unfortunately that required a 5AM arrival at the airport. The...

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My flights were on time, but I was exhausted and felt crushed into my seat. I survived and made all of my connections without any problems. Catching up on sleep wasn't even modestly successful but I did snap some shots of Mt. Rainier as our flight path provided a spectacular view.

Getting through the Vancouver Airport was awful and literally took hours. I survived and after a good nights sleep it's been a whirlwind of places and things to do. The selection of photos for this post was numerous but I've narrowed it down taking out things that were anything less than awesome and that you may have seen in some form before. All that remained were new pictures taken at the Vancouver Aquarium.

I've shown you jelly fish shots before, but I couldn't keep that one to myself. They fascinate me and are so much fun to photograph.

In the time-lapse starfish tank where you can watch the video of them moving around, this starfish was hanging out on the side waiting for 100,000 people to take his picture.

Retired from making Budweiser commercials these frogs were part of the amphibian exhibit. I was disappointed to find they didn't have any beer.

Last but not least, the big news and excitement at the Vancouver Aquarium is the baby beluga whale. You have to wait in a queue and groups of 30 are taken down into the viewing area for 10 minutes.

In the picture above is grandma, mom, and baby. Very cool, and now that Marnie's a member of the aquarium we'll be going back to see them again soon. Time to run today, it's off to Science World....er.. the Telus World of Science. Don't you just love corporate sponsorship?

]]> Your Prius Can't Touch This tag:www.dirtyunclemark.com,2008://1.566 2008-08-14T21:00:28Z 2008-08-14T20:59:48Z

On a Wednesday afternoon in the middle of July I rode my bike through town to meet a friend for lunch. Standing at a corner while waiting for the light I spied the most unusual vehicle rolling down the street....

mark http://www.dirtyunclemark.com 2008 North American Solar Challenge and I witnessed the first car to arrive in town.

For two days the cars arrived and regrouped here, making adjustments and calculating the square root of pi over the area of an isosceles triangle using the trapezoid rule, or something like that. The well-funded team from Michigan was in the lead and ultimately won the race which began in Dallas, TX and concluded in Calgary, AB.

On the second day of arrivals my niece, my dad and I went down to the falls to get a good up-close and personal look at the cars. During the time we were there they were charging their batteries during one of the allotted charging times. The race is strictly regulated and the teams take it very seriously. In the photo above you're seeing Principia College's team charging their batteries with the top of the car on a stand tilted toward the sun. The dude with the cool hair is spraying down the solar cells to protect them from overheating. The individual cells are quite expensive and even standing in front of them and casting a shadow can have detrimental effects. Principia finished the race in second place.

The teams came not only from the US and Canada but also this car which was the third place finisher from the Bochum University of Applied Sciences in Bochum, Germany. This was by far the roomiest vehicle as most were flat and thin with a dome for the driver to see. The race continued on Friday morning and the photos of Michigan and Bochum were taken that morning when our Mayor waved the flag to send the cars on their way.

It was very cool to get a glimpse of the future technologies and my inner geek was filled to the brim with joy. These are the kinds of things I read about all the time and I was seeing it without traveling to some far away exotic place. Hopefully the technology will someday relieve us of our dependence on petroleum and bio-based fuels. Unfortunately, any benefit these cars had was displaced by their lead & chase vehicles.

]]> Two Sides to Every Story tag:www.dirtyunclemark.com,2008://1.564 2008-08-12T01:56:00Z 2008-08-19T18:18:36Z

Today I received a comment from the neighbors mentioned in this post. To be fair as to their side of the story, I am publishing it as a post, and not a comment to be certain it does not get...

mark http://www.dirtyunclemark.com this post. To be fair as to their side of the story, I am publishing it as a post, and not a comment to be certain it does not get lost in the comments. The following indented text is the complete comment and it is unedited. I will make no comment as to not detract from what they wish to say.

First of all, thank you for your "vallaint" effort trying to save Axel, Mark. Second of all, as a soon-to-be lawyer I would have thought that you would be more precise with your story. I can only imagine how devastating the whole ordeal was to you as it was also to my family. Axel was part of my family. I agree mostly with all your comments because my heart is sickened that this happended. If I would have only used my head, Axel would still be here. But, there is more to the story. Axel was an inside dog so, the only times he was on a leash was when I had to go run errands. Axel had never spent a full day outside. He was always inside playing with my kids and when he was outside it was mostly when we were out. He was exercised everyday. My husband had to leave to Guard Drill for his two weeks and I had to work. My central air had broke and my house was 93 degrees. When I put him out that morning it felt a lot cooler than my house. He did have shade and I had filled the wading pool with fresh water that morning and he could reach it. I was not outside again until I got off work at three. I had no idea it was that hot. You make it sound like I'm some horrid person who intentionally kills animals. Don't you think that I go back in my head and say, I wish I had done this, I wish I had done that. Mark, if I had a problem with you, I would say it to your face not badmouth you to people who don't even know you. You might as well add salt to injury. You're so quick to judge everone else, maybe you should check your own backyard. Last time I checked, it was illegal to trap squirrels just because they annoyed you. You complain about our "toys" in the backyard, what about your unpainted house or pile of junk in your backyard. If we didn't have toys than we'd be bad parents, right? As far as the throwing "keggers" all the time, we've only had friends over five or six times this summer and only once was there a keg. Bill and I both work two jobs so I would think it was ok to relax and unwind but apparently that makes us thugs. Maybe you should try to relax once in while yourself. Furthermore, when we have had friends over, I have been on-call (thus unable to drink) all but once. When we have been too loud, all you've had to do is tell us and we've gone inside. We have respected your feelings. Maybe you should close your windows so us along with all your other neighbors and cars and birds don't annoy you. What about the old neighbors that used to brake-torque in the garage and smoke pot all night? What about the neighbor's dog that would bark all night because no one payed attention to it? I never once saw you condemn them, or should I say blog about them. I thought lawyers were more upfront. How can we fix a problem if we don't know about it? We adored Axel and you make it sound like he was uncared for and unloved. Your right, I did give away my palmeranian because I could not get her trained. I gave her to someone who could. Where's the crime in that? I wish every minute that Axel hadn't "baked alive" in my backyard. I feel horrible about it and I always will and I know you will too. But how is bashing us going to help anything. WE DON'T DO THAT TO YOU. Marnie, as far as saying that my puppy acted like you were going to hit him, exactly what are you accusing us of? I can assure you that Axel was never hit. I suppose I hit my kids too? Cause apparently that is the kind of people we are. Maybe you all should know all the facts before you're so quick to judge. The only time Axel even barked was when he was away from us. He was loved and had a ton of attention. You guys don't even know us but are quick to judge! You hear one side of the story and call it good. Quit suggesting things that aren't true. We feel like we lost a family member and you make it even worse. I am deeply sorry for what happened to our puppy but I can't change it now. As far as the cat, when we got her she was an outdoor cat. She cries non-stop when she can't go outside. We had her fixed and I guess we didn't see the harm in letting her go outside. You, yourself said a number of times that she didn't bother you but I guess you couldn't tell us to our face that she did, right? I asked you flat out. The truth next time would be nice. Thank you for trying to save Axel but please stop all the badmouthing. We feel bad enough the way it is.

]]> Better Living with Dirty Uncle Mark: Insect Repellent. tag:www.dirtyunclemark.com,2008://1.563 2008-08-07T21:30:20Z 2008-08-14T20:13:16Z

It's been a long time since I've brought you an installment of Better Living with Dirty Uncle Mark. There's been too much doom and gloom on this blog lately so today, as we enter the final lap of summer that's...

mark http://www.dirtyunclemark.com

When I was a child there was a debate raging and lots of fear instilled among the people of the lands that DEET was going to kill us all or make us grow a third nipple or something. At one point, I seem to recall the shelves being cleared of the toxin. Now it's back, but I'm here to tell you, DEET is for sissies.

Let me present my first recommendation: Eveready Insect Repellent Formula No. 612

These people may make batteries now, but they learned a thing or two about how to make batteries from making insect repellent first. Now you might be wondering, "What about formulas one through six-hundred and eleven?" They sucked. Plain and simple. Formula number 612 was the pinnacle of Eveready Insect Repellent production.

Let me draw your attention to the label. This stuff is so potent that you only reapply about one-half the amount you originally applied. That is assuming you still have skin left after you applied it. I suspect this is what they make batteries out of.

Just above that statement is the warning: "Do not apply to mouth, eyes or forehead just above eyebrows." That is because this stuff works so well it will melt your brain if you put it on your forehead. Spectacular stuff. This is the insect repellent that men with hairy chests and deep voices use.

Maybe you're not a fan of the Eveready company. You may have spent too much on their batteries and have a grudge or something. Maybe your grandma fell into a vat of battery acid at the Eveready battery factory. I don't know, but for you, I have a spectacular alternative!

My second recommendation is the aptly named: Sta-way™ Insect Repellent Lotion

First, how do you think you say that name? There's no Y so I really can't argue for Stay Away. I think this is one of those words those rappers use to rhyme with. That Kanye West guy could say it properly I bet.

Next, notice that this was developed in cooperation with the Entomology Department of a "Leading University." Superb. My bet is that had a lot to do with the pleasant odor, because bugs hate pleasant odors. Oh, and it "will not injure your skin." Again, that's because they worked with entomologists, not dermatologists.

You may have noticed that Eveready Formula No. 612 was so top secret they don't even offer the ingredients. For those of you nervous pervous types, Sta-way even tells you what the inert ingredients are: alcohol and corn oil. Huh? What about the active ingredients? Top Secret. Come on, people. Those are called trade secrets.

Let's go ahead and take a look at the back label.

For External Use only, huh? So can I drink it? I mean, it's so pretty, and it's got alcohol in it. That second warning only means good things: "KEEP AWAY FROM OPEN FLAME." Notice the all caps? This stuff is so good, it will ignite mosquitoes that do bite you. Just keep a lighter handy so you can light them up like fire-flies as they try to buzz away.

The longer warning is even better:

"Sta-way" Lotion should not touch Nail Polish, Painted or Varnished Surfaces, or Plastic Eye Glass Frames, as it will dissolve them. Do not stand bottle on Painted or Varnished surfaces."

Let me just be honest with you. Keep this stuff in the garage. It's just too potent to keep in the house or it's liable to burn a hole right through your medicine cabinet, the floor and maybe even the foundation of the house.

I think the small amount that has been used from this bottle speaks to the effectiveness. You don't go re-applying this stuff more than once a month. Also, it says to "Read all instructions in booklet and on labels before using." The booklet they are referencing is the back label that appears to fold out into a several pane pamphlet that I suspect explains the painful and horrendous effects this stuff has on the insects it will defend you against. I say that I suspect, because it's never been opened, and who am I to break the seal?

In writing this post, I wanted to track down sources of these two miracle insect repellents so you, too, can have them in your home (or garage for the Sta-way). Eveready has completely wiped the internet clean of their insect repellent past. Nothing on the internet existed about Eveready making Formula No. 612 Insect Repellent until now. You're welcome Internet.

On the other hand, I did manage to trackdown one reference to Sta-way in book on Insect Repellents. Google Books wouldn't let me see it all, but I did learn that it contains diethylene glycol monobutyl ether and its acetate. For those of you who don't speak chemical geek (I do) that means it will melt your skin, give your offspring 3 arms, make you go crazy and destroy your kidneys. I'm not kidding. Google it yourself.

Additionally, someone on Ebay has an advertisement for Sta-Way, so I was able to discover its approximate age: 69 years old.

(image courtesy woods_elf - ebay seller)

From now on, I'm calling all giant talking mosquitoes "Nellie." I'd venture to guess that those sportsmen that "swear" by it have died horrible subsequent deaths albeit without mosquito bites.

Hopefully you've found this to be another beneficial installment of Better Living with Dirty Uncle Mark. You may have laughed at how ignorant the people of yesteryear were in their impetuous use of hazardous chemicals, but take a look around your own house and contemplate what we use today that bloggers 69 years from now will be laughing about. Dirty Uncle Mark - Out.

]]> I Bet You Thought it Couldn't Get Any Worse. tag:www.dirtyunclemark.com,2008://1.562 2008-08-05T21:22:00Z 2008-08-12T05:09:03Z

Three weeks ago today the umbilical cord had been cut from my bar review course and I was let loose to study on my own for the remaining two weeks prior to the bar exam. Being rather terrible at studying this was...

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With a water bottle and an outline in hand I took a lawn chair out to the backyard to study. The forecast called for a high temperature in the mid 90's (~35ºC) so I knew I wouldn't be studying outside in the afternoon. After some diligent studying of the outline I took a break to go over and pet the neighbor dog that was tied up and alone in my neighbor's backyard.

Usually the dog barked at me and whenever I would kneel down and approach the fence he would back away and bark. Three weeks ago, he allowed me pet him. The little tikes swimming pool nearby had some dirty looking water in it but it didn't look like he could reach it. I found a bowl I'd made and filled it with water and put it under the fence, but he wouldn't take any.

I returned to studying until noon when I took the bowl of water back as he hadn't touched it and I went inside for lunch. Pleased that the morning had been a successful session of studying, I ate my lunch and then went to the cool basement for afternoon studying. A little past 2PM I finished the outline I had started in the morning so I went upstairs to obtain refreshments and make a phone call.

Habitually, I walk around while talking on the phone. Unless I am tethered with a corded phone or at a desk or table I walk around my house while conversing. While on this particular phone call I found my way into my bedroom and looked out the window. What I saw was the neighbor dog straining to get away from the pole he was tethered to. The sun had swung around and the morning shade had turned to hot, full sun and the black lab was obviously in trouble.

At once I ended my phone call and dialed 911 to report the situation to Animal Control. While on the phone the dog collapsed. Immediately after hanging up I ran outside and jumped the fence. As fast as I could I unlatched the cable he was on and pulled him into the shade. He wasn't breathing but his eyes were open.

About that time an Animal Control officer called and told me to put water on the dog's paws and all over to cool him down and she was en route. I turned on my garden hose and threw it over the fence to followed her instructions wait. It seemed like forever.

When she arrived she grabbed his head and had me grab his back legs and we ran him to her van and she quickly left to get him to a Vet.

After I coiled up my garden hose I went back inside to put my muddy shirt in the wash and hope for good news. Approximately a half hour later the Animal Control officer called to thank me for the "valiant" effort I'd made but the dog didn't make it. She described it as a "terrible accident."

The dog was not my responsibility. It wasn't my fault. I didn't really even like the dog, but I still felt awful about it for days. What if I'd come upstairs and made my phone call 15 minutes earlier? He was an innocent creature that certainly didn't deserve to be baked alive in the backyard. He was just a puppy.

I didn't write about it until now because it has bothered me so much. After an already terrible summer, this was the cherry on the sundae. It's a bit like in the Simpsons Movie when Bart says, "This is the worst day of my life." Homer leans in, puts a hand on Bart's shoulder and says, "This is the worst day of your life, so far."

]]> Please Wait 6 to 8 Weeks. Individual Results May Vary. tag:www.dirtyunclemark.com,2008://1.561 2008-08-01T04:40:07Z 2008-08-12T05:08:06Z

Waiting to take the bar exam was almost on par with the waiting I endured on the day my sister died. We'd met with all the doctors and we knew the prognosis and it was only a matter of time....

mark http://www.dirtyunclemark.com

The drive to Pierre is about as exciting as a bowl of shredded wheat. I stopped twice: once to pee and once when my "Check Engine" light came on. I checked the engine, it looked like an engine. The light turned off when I started the car back up. Chock one up for following directions.

The heat was oppressive and I was only moments too late to get a picture of the 100ºF on the car thermometer before it dropped back to 99º. White tufts torn from cotton bales floated across a sky of stretched polyester batting over a pale blue canvass. Dry brown grass swayed from horizon to horizon. This is the South Dakota you see in Dances with Wolves. No picture can truly do it justice and it was flippin' hot so I wasn't stopping for photo ops. It was so hot two days later, even the geese were panting.

I arrived safely, checked in and settled into my room. My veins were as sharp as Chef Tony's Miracle Blade 3 knives (Just $40 for $500 in knives!). Maybe it's obvious that sleeping hasn't been going so well as of late and when you don't have cable you just have infomercials after 2:30AM.

The first day of the exam was much like the second day of the exam: I don't want to talk about it. What's done is done and to rehash or speculate as to how I did is futile. I don't need any false hope as I'm preparing for the worst. Results should come in the mail sometime in September.

I would like to thank everyone for all their support, both metaphysical and the kind words in the comments and in person, although I cannot condone the sacrifice of a chicken or a goat... I said no harm to animals. There's no doubt in my mind, it all helped. That, and the performance enhancing drugs... ok... supplements.

Most people have asked me if I feel a huge relief having the exam done. Yes, and no. Really it doesn't feel any different apart from I feel no obligation to be studying now. Instead, I shift gears and I have other big items on my plate that have been ignored and put off all summer as the bar exam was highest in priority. It's a bit like in the movie The Great Outdoors, and eating the "Ol' 96'er." I've finished the meat, but now I've got to eat the gristle as well as some cold sides.

After the exam was finished people went their separate ways. Some to the bar, some to their cars to drive back across the plains to get home and me to my room to get my camera. I went on a bike ride around Pierre to take most of the photos you've seen above. It was about being free to do the things I love to do again, like taking photos with no guilt about how I should have been studying. I did meet up with friends after a while to have a beer and dinner but I couldn't stay out all night, I had to go take some night shots of the capitol too. Oh, and test out the beds in my room.

I assure you that no harm was done to the beds in the above photo. For more fun see BedJump.com (ps: personal favorite)

]]> Reaching a Crescendo tag:www.dirtyunclemark.com,2008://1.560 2008-07-29T01:15:00Z 2008-08-12T05:08:27Z

Tis the eve of the bar exam and all through the hotel,Children are running and the halls really smell.The weather is hot and sticky and stupid,I really really hope that for this exam I will be lucid.That's all the poetry...

mark http://www.dirtyunclemark.com Children are running and the halls really smell.

The weather is hot and sticky and stupid,

I really really hope that for this exam I will be lucid.

That's all the poetry I can muster tonight. I gotta rest all 9 brain cells so I can rock the socks off this exam tomorrow and Wednesday. Is it really already exam time? It seems like yesterday that I was graduating, and my sister died. Was that really almost two months ago and a little more than a month ago? Huh. Well, it's been one hell of a summer to try and study and I'd be lying if I said it went well and I feel prepared. Quite the contrary.

I hate excuses though, so I'm not making any and I'm just going to own up and take this exam and see what happens. Everyone has told me over and over, all summer long that "you'll be fine," or "I'm sure you'll do just fine," and best yet, "I'm not worried about you." Uh, okay. Hope everybody else is right and my fears are unfounded.

There's a good chance I've failed to really explain this exam here for people who don't know me well or know me outside of my computer. Here's the break down:

2 Days of Examination

Day 1:

Morning - 3 hours for 2 essay questions

Each question has a library consisting of a problem, a bunch of information both relevant and irrelevant to the problem, and laws that might or might not relate to the problem. You get to read it all, sort it out and write an answer in the form that they request to solve the problem

Afternoon - 3 hours for 6 essay quesitons

These are from several areas of the law (too several to list). One of these will be on Indian law, that fact we know, but that's all.

Day 2:

Morning - 3 hours for 100 multiple choice questions

This may sound easy but some of the questions have lengthy fact scenarios and regardless, it only allows 1.8 minutes per questions (108 seconds). This will be over the major areas of the law: Contracts (incl. Sales), Real Property, Torts, Criminal Law & Procedure, Evidence and Constitutional Law. Sounds fun, right?

Afternoon - 3 hours for 100 multiple choice questions

If we didn't have enough fun in the morning, we get to have one more go at it in the afternoon. Exactly the same subjects as the morning.

So, that's my Tuesday and Wednesday on a plate, well done with a large helping of stress. I'll write again when it's all over, probably on Thursday, but that's all I've got right now. All good karma, positive test taking vibes, prayers, and Tom Cruise witchcraft are much appreciated. I'll need all the help I can get, but please don't hurt any animals in the process.

]]> Next we need a urine sample. Yes, it's necessary to see your online banking. tag:www.dirtyunclemark.com,2008://1.559 2008-07-22T04:06:04Z 2008-08-06T06:58:11Z

In one week I will be in a hotel room on the eve of the most important exam of my life. Irregardless, life must press on and that includes paying bills the torture of online banking, and blogging. Blogging? For...

mark http://www.dirtyunclemark.com

For months I've been unable to get into one of my accounts online. I input the username that I've had for 7 years now, and that takes me on to the next level of security. Questions about my first car, my mother's birth city and the last school I attended taunt me. How many times have I called their customer service because I cannot get past the last school attended question. Number one reason for not getting a higher education: it simplifies this question immensely.

Today I miraculously got past the extra security questions to fail at the password. Why is it so hard for me to see what my balance is? I appreciate security, but is all this really necessary? Online banking should simplify my life, not complicate it. I call customer service and navigate through the labyrinth of sub menus for English, Existing Customer, Organ Donor, Brown Eyes, Right Handed etc etc to get placed in a queue for someone to reset my password.

Finally, a real, live, human being that geographically isn't even an hour from me! I explain the problem and she asks me if I'm using a bookmark. Um, okay, a bookmark relates to my password how? Delete the bookmark? Why? I highly doubt that my browser is redirecting the domain I've just typed into the address bar, at your direction, to my bookmark. Fine. Deleted.

Still not working and I'm still not surprised. What's that you say? My password has suddenly and magically been suspended? Imagine that. Oh, super, you're finally going to give me a temporary password. Isn't that what I asked for in the beginning? Now where's my bookmark? Thanks for that. Yes, it's logging in and asking for a new password that's a minimum of 8 characters long. (excessive maybe?)

You're still talking, and I'm still not caring but what's that you say? You've just told me to write down my password? Are you kidding? I am telling you it surprises me that you suggest I write down my password to my online banking account. Welcome to the 21st Century, You DON'T Do That. No. Never.

One more thing, you say? No, I don't want to do your stupid 4 question survey, I want to drop this account like a steaming pile of feces and go to a different bank that doesn't waste my time with more security procedures than they use to keep track of nuclear warheads.

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