Recipe of the Week: Canapes!
This week's recipe isn't just a recipe but an entire brochure on the magnificence and delightfulness of canapes! For those of you like me that know more about eating food than calling it fancy names, here is what Apple's dictionary widget defines a canape as:
can•a•pé
noun
1 a small piece of bread or pastry with a savory topping, often served with drinks at a reception or formal party.
2 a sofa, esp. a decorative French antique.
This ain't Dirty Uncle Mark's Antique of the week, so you know which definition applies. So basically, it's like Easy Cheese® on toast while you're drinking beers, except way classier as you shall see.
Three different fonts on the cover alone! A mystery liquid filled jar with spoon surrounded by canapes against that Barbie Corvette pink... just lovely. The mysterious absence of shadows shall be overlooked because I must know more about canapes!
The brochure is double folded, so when opening the first fold this two page spread is a feast for the eyes. (click the image to view it in larger a separate window)
Gaston is quite the dapper looking chap, isn't he? That mustache, damn, that's a piece of artwork, but that comes as no surprise considering his lineage. Strangely, Google doesn't find anything referencing this canape connoisseur, although there is someone by his name on Facebook that appears to enjoy snow skiing.
Ever since I saw "Four Christmases" I cannot read hors d'oeuvres without hearing "whore-do-vers" as in, "there are beermosas and whore-do-vers in the kitchen." Did you notice Gaston's wit? "Appe-teasing?" With that kind of wordplay this has got to be awesome.
And then everything gets weird when it is revealed that "their purpose is to make one tingle with anticipation..." Uh... okay... if you say so. *awkward glances back and forth*
So they have to be small, fresh, "intriguing little picture[s]," and smartly served. Crikey! So, then, how do we make them?
So while there are plenty of base options, ultimately toast is the best. Toast? I don't even eat Easy Cheese® on toast. So that's all there is to it? Make some thin crisp toast and cut it up into bite sized pieces and pile some interesting stuff on top. Don't lose faith, fair readers, because therein lies the recipe of the week worthy suggestions. Stick with it, we're almost there.
This "Art" of serving canapes fascinates me. We're putting little pieces of toast on expensive fine wood trays to fool the canape consumers into thinking they're getting something far nicer than they really are? Is that the trick? And this Bentwood, where can I find the mythical bent tree?
Let us get down to the pages of suggested toppings.
Ooo, nothing goes better on toast than "Anchovy Butter" and finely chopped egg. I can't say anything about "Hard-Boiled Eggs with Caviar" because I've never had caviar, so maybe that's amazing, who am I to judge? "Bloater Paste" sounds pretty weird, then I discovered that's some sort of fancy slang for cured herring paste. Herring and peanut butter? That's classy. Next page.
So why hasn't "Chicken Butter" been commercialized already? I thought every possible way of processing and selling chicken had been done, but this one is new to me. Of course there is "Tongue" on here. Just the thought makes me cringe. Seems to me that a "Wagon Wheel Canape" ought to use real wagon wheels in there somewhere. False advertising? Moving along.
Nothing tastes better than some fattened goose liver paste on toast. That's what I learned tonight: what "Pate-de-foie-gras" is. Does "Shad Roe" have anybody else stumped? I did my digging and found out in layman's terms that is Herring eggs. That about says it all, doesn't it?
Just one more page.
I could really go for some "Anchovy Diamonds," how about you? Horse-radish, Worcester sauce and Anchovies in the unholiest of marriages. Chipped beef sounds vomit inducing to me too. Mustard pickle and salad dressing will do that to a guy like me.
So now you're all set for the next office party! Wow them with your canape expertise and insane combinations of exotic flavors. Then sit back and watch them hurl.
I snorted out loud when I read the suggestion for tongue horse doovers. There's no way my tongue is going anywhere near most of those.
Chicken butter. Delicious!
They forgot Bacon Butter.
So if I make some toast and put a blop of jelly on it, is it a Canape, or do I have to cut the toast down to an inch square and put it on a doily? Where can one find fine doilies for parties these days? Certainly the art of doilycraft has been lost to the ages.
Thanks for this Mark. I very nearly threw up with the bloater paste. Keep trying!
Why would anyone ruin peanut butter like that ? Also...why are they suggesting tounge so casually ?? Who keeps tounge in the pantry?
Okay, first of all...toast? Seriously? Toast is good for one thing, and that's putting butter and garlic salt on. Not crap.
Second of all, I don't know WHAT in the hell bloater paste is, but it sounds like the creamy combination of lint and sweat that develops under a giant sweaty man-boob. Not something that goes on toast.
Oh my, I've certainly been enlightened. And I'm suddenly quite hungry.
Which ones does your lovely wife favor?
remember Archie Bunker was upset when Edith told him they were having tongue for lunch.
"I ain't eatin' nuttin that came out of a cows mouth." sez Archie
So what do you want, Edith whined
He decided "Egg salad."
Oh Ya! Canapes.....brings back memories for me. My mom must have the same book somewhere, because I remember helping her make canapes to serve after church. "You never know who will just drop by for tea and canapes after church", she would say. She could make 20 different canapes using tongue and spam. Ugh! Me, I never ate them, but they looked really pretty sitting on the little paper doilies. Mrs. Cook (the organist at the church) could inhale an entire plate full. Just good memories of my younger years.